Archives for July 2018

All my life I have been defined by others to my detriment, being seen as 'just a girl', 'not worth educating' and 'not worth anything because I didn't have an education'. I worked so hard to get the education I was denied as a child, only to be lied about and slandered, with my own mother and other people being told I had bought a fake Masters degree online by the 'Mr Magnanimous' of an earlier blog post, so that they would treat me with contempt instead of pride. Over the years I've been told Continue Reading

A few months ago, in a fit of curiosity I googled a few names of people who had been a big part of my life in the past. I came across one pastor talking about the current church he was involved with, discussing a small number of young men in his church - deeming them to be 'good men', while sagely nodding and stroking his chin. Using the defining of people as a manipulation tactic was rampant among church leadership, producing anxiety and competition among those not deemed worthy of being Continue Reading

As the tendrils of religion distorted what I first knew to be true, the limitless unconditional love of God became conditional, and pleasing him dependent on performance. Every bad experience was interpreted by those around me, as that I must have displeased God in some way. My sickness was 'evidence' of my failure to be pleasing to God. Being shamed for being such a disappointment to God and the worry that maybe they were all right and I was wrong gnawed away at my soul. After all, I seemed to Continue Reading